During a church service in Kentucky over the summer the congregation was given the opportunity to write down a confession to God on a small scratch piece of paper and pin it on a canvas board in the back of the sanctuary. Some people took the time to confess and surrender to God the things that they couldnt get a handle on themselves. That they simply needed to allow God to take over. Others just wrote down a prayer, one that maybe couldnt be verbalized but somehow could make better sense when pen met paper. A four year old girl who just happens to love to doodle was ecstatic with this assignment as it gave her something to pass the time with. She scribbled with no purpose at all over the paper. The Daddy's girl then took a walk with her daddy and the two of them pinned their confessions/needs onto the canvas. That 4 year old girl was my niece. Now some would say that the scribbles meant nothing and she had no real understanding or care for what the activity meant. For me, im not only touched and proud of such a sweet little innocent child, but redeemed in the realization that God sees meaning even in scribbles. At the age of four struggles are much different than what they are for me at 23 or someone of 50. And to her she may not even be able to comprehend her struggles. But the beauty is that through the messes of our lives and those days that we think we have nothing left to give and cant even put a finger on what it is we need, God understands the need. And He is already in the struggles of our future. Already understanding our pain when we dont even understand or before we even encountter it. What we dont get, He gets. Remember He is your creator so what could He not understand about you? Our biggest problem is not our biggest problem at all, the biggest problem is that we think God is not bigger than our biggest problem. Look at God's creation all around you and realize that He is bigger than little ole you. This lesson learned from my niece tells me that God understands our prayers even when we dont have the words to say them.

Deception

I know God always has things to say to us. He speaks to us daily and the test isnt to hear the message and carry out the plan correctly, its just to listen. Sometimes there are certain things He insists that we hear, maybe we haven't been listening or maybe He just wants us to know that what He has called of us is not completely out of reach like we often (or atleast I) seem to think. I heard Him loud and clear this morning as soon as Sunday serman at Beulah UMC began and I realized it was the exact same sermon I had heard last week at Southland Christian while visiting family in KY. Two very different churches, especially in size. But Gods message is never changing. Always the same. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever" Hebrews 13:8. The two pastors both even told the same story about the man in a grocery store who was followed by an elderly lady all through the store when she finally confronted him at the checkout line and told him that he reminded her of her late son and asked that he simply say "Goodbye mom" as she left the store. He then realizes that shes told the grocer that her "son" would pick up her over 100$ tab. The truth is this is exactly like Satan. Deceitful. He acts like he loves us but we know that only God has love for us that surpasses all understanding. But what we dont realize is that we are being drawn in to Satan's deceit each and every day. Some of us alittle worse than others. In John 10:10 Jesus tells us that the thiefs purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. But His purpose is to give us a rich and satisfying life. We all go through it. When God places obstacles before us that make us wanna run the other way. Whether it be holding us back one semester of nursing school, telling us to settle down with that one man or woman He has picked for us, to take that next step and walk down the aisle, that you are indeed supposed to remain in this ONE marriage forever, or move to a different state when all youve ever known is the one you live in. The truth is, gping any other path wont work. Kinda like Jonah (Im partial to Jonah because it was the book my first children's message came from, and I just love the story). He didnt like God's command to go and preach to the people of Ninevah. Then the storm catches him as he runs away and he ends up in a whales mouth. After this, he ends up where he was wanted the whole time. Ninevah. The amazingness is that God puts us where we need to be eventually even if we go face hard times on the way. Hes always getting our attention. And through trials we grow closer to Him, so He wins and Satan loses. Have you ever thought that those people that turn to drusgs, sex, and abuse do so because they have so little confidence in themselves that they dont believe they can do what God has called of them? That He has great things in store for them but Satan's deceit tells them better things are in the other direction. Ive seen it. And I believe it. I dont believe this level of evil truly lives inside God's people. But I do know that Satan is powerful. That these people are in desperate need of prayers and the reminder of knowing that are truly loved. I dont try to interpret what Gods lessons mean. But I cant help but believe He sends lost souls right to our feet because WE need to be the ones to lead them to His love. That fear is real and its easy to get away from God in todays society. We forget to open our Bibles when we work, go to school, raise kids, and sleep in our spare time. That hole I spoke about in one blog, the one that grows bigger and bigger with each passing day we dont spend in the scripture that Satan can dig into and chizzle away at. Its real and thats the problem with alot of our lost souls. Instead of running from God's next challenge, I hope you and I will do as Peter tells us. To "Give all your worries and cares to God, because HE cares about you." The only thing Satan cares about is turning us away from God and he has no room in his heart for love. Gods word is all powerful.

The Pieces..

"She was a slight black woman with deeply etched furrows in her weathered face. Her wiry hair, striated with shades of gnarly gray, was pulled back into a tightly wound bun. Arthritic hands, worn smooth by years love, labor, and life, flipped through pages of neatly placed books on the store shelf. I was 22 years old when I encountered the prophetess perusing shelves at a Christian book store in my hometown. Most likely my dress was too short, my shirt was too tight, and my face was too tanned. I was proudly strolling the aisles with my fiance, giddy with young love and bouncing with the energy of a college coed. I must have looked like a silly little girl. At least that would have been my summation as I reflect on the scene today. Steve and I were flipping through books on marriage when this little woman shuffled up beside me and placed her dark wrinkled hand on my arm. She looked me square in the eye and spoke. "Young lady, the Lord has just told me that one day you are going to preach the Word of God." I didnt know what to say, but somehow I managed a polite response. "Thank you, ma'am for sharing that with me." I replied. She patted my arm, turned, and disappeared out the door." I read this other day out of a book that my father got me at a gas station (no thats not a typo) thats become one of my favorites. Ive never been a big reader, but when I saw the title of this one "Becoming a Woman who Listens to God" (by Sharon Jaynes) I felt I should read it because thats something I really need to do more of right now. Ive been at a loss lately. Its hard thinking I have everything figured out just to have God remind me that, no I dont and He and I both knew that all along. So why do I try to figure it out so often? I had a great plan laid out to graduate from nursing school this past May and move to KY to be with my family. Around February of this year He began sending new people into my life that I could feel I was growing very close too. Id been asking for this, but when it came around in His timing I found myself saying "No, Lord not right now. I cant get close to people and then leave them in a few months to do this all over again." When graduating didnt happen (which im still upset about but now starting to embrace it) and I found out I would have to repeat a class in the Fall I thought "ok no big deal, Ill go to KY for the summer and work up there, come back for school, and then go back when I graduate like id planned." One measely little job interview came and went. I left feeling good about it but I guess God didnt because I never heard back. Mom and I have struggled with her being unemployed for most of the summer and we are so fortunate that my brother opened up his home for us. But she reminds me everyday how glad she is I didnt get that job because when my brother left for California for a month for work, I was here to help her chase around two preschoolers, a job that surely isnt easy for any number of people but its beautiful and untradeable all the same. So I know now that God had that planned out all along. The kids exhaust me and its hard being the disciplinarian and the spoiler all at once. An auntie cant go a single day without spoiling them  in some way...it just cant happen. I play referee, give piggy back rides, put together puzzles, fill sippy cups, kiss booboos, and give more hugs than I can count all in a days work. Sometimes I say I need a break an just want "quiet" time (quiet in quotations because that never usually happens here) Then God asks me why I want a break from this life his laid out just for me. And as much as I've told myself that, I realized today how much im going to miss the chaos when I go back to TN here in just a few short weeks. Everytime I back out of the driveway I cant wait for a nap but then I miss them minutes later and the cute things they say and do. Im blessed to spend my summer this way. And yet theres still something thats missing.  So then I tell God again "No, I like it here, its where ive wanted to be. Why do I feel otherwise?" I must have a left a hole in TN, I think to myself often. But on some days (like today) I realize maybe that hole is in my heart because even though I consider myself a very passionate Christian, I still havent turned all my worries over to God, trusting that He knows my future and will be with wherever I end up. Ive sat down in front of this blog several times and then ended up not posting what Ive come with because Satan tells me know one cares to read what I write. Satan does speak in our lives, its just a matter of which voice we choose to listen to and its easy to fall over and believe what isnt the truth no matter how strong of a Christian you are. I have come up with a message on forgiveness that may be some of the best words God has given me but I havent had the energy to share it with others because "what if no one likes it". Then God tells me how hard He already knows it is, how hard it is for Him to see people turn away from Him everyday when He allowed His only son to die so we could be, guess what? FORGIVEN. He tells me the best thing I can do is keep reaching, keep loving unconditionally and if that means only bringing one person to Christ, thats wonderful. For He tells us that when we do it for one of the least of His brothers and sisters, we are doing it for Him. (Matt. 25:40). I dont have to see the hands go up in praise of the Lord, or the tears run down a sinners face as he/she sees finds Christ. But I can know in my heart that I am doing good for Christ, how dare me be selfish and think I need to get "likes" on facebook, or compliments. I am confused about future, yes, but the one good thing is that God will be there, the same God that is here today, will be there then. And when my time comes to meet Him at His heavenly throne His arms will open wide and eternal life will be mine. As long as I have that hole in my heart Satan will take home in it, and He will continue to make me dwell on things I cannot change and he will continue to be there when I pray to God about the things I want, how I want Him to just show me the right direction instead of giving Him GLORY and thanking for one more day for me and one more day of peace and health for my family. But if I remain close to God and worship Him every single day, I will know that I am not even promised a future, but I am promised right now, and the rest is up to His story. So my future truly is up to God and I think thats why I still have no idea where I want to be eventhough ive pondered the thought continuously lately. Because as long as I believe in Him and know He is with me it doesnt matter if I make my home Kentucky, keep it in Tennessee, or get on a plane and go to Africa. A land I have so much love for yet have never set foot on the soil. I dont feel worthy for that but Peter, Noah, Moses, Jonah, and so many others werent ready either. And sometimes I think "God im not the one you want to send to Africa, why do I feel so strongly that I am the one? That you have placed a calling upon my heart and for crying our loud...why Africa?" But again, its on my heart for a reason, it wasnt my idea, it was His. And if He wants to use me in that way, I will become that person. In her book, Sharon didnt believe what the strange lady in the bookstore had told her. She had her plan as well. To have a house full of kids, a big house, and live happily with her husband, he as a dentist and her as his hygenist (how perfect!). Part of that did happen but due to fertility issues, she only had one child and today she does indeed preach His word writing books and speaking at different places. I truly believe God does send us angels when He needs help getting our stubborn attention. So it doesnt really matter what we choose for ourselves (and youd think I would know that because of what happened my freshman year of college but Gods lessons are never ending and maybe he sent me here to KY this summer to remind me it isnt my home, as bad as I want to be close to family, He reminds me it wouldnt be them I was leaving) because Gods path is the one that will win. We can take which ever we choose but in the end, only His will rescue us. I know my struggles and confusion are just pieces to His puzzle for me. It will all come together as my life progresses and when my life is complete so will be my puzzle. We put puzzles together one piece at a time, you cant get a head of yourself when doing them and lifes puzzle is no different. Im not going to be selfish and hope my life takes me to Africa, Costa Rica, and so forth to preach His word (eventhough I TRULY do feel called to Africa and sometimes maybe feel thats the whole in my heart), I just want to share it even if it never goes beyond this internet blog. As long as I love like He does, and share that love in THIS MOMENT....ive won. The rest of the pieces will follow. And when my puzzle is almost complete it will be just like when I finally accomplished that really hard puzzle of an ocean scenery I did with my nephew yesterdy, I will look at it and say "ohhh now I get it, it was shaping up to be beautiful the whole time".

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Notice the word "thanksgiving" in this verse, dont forget to thank God for where you are and who Hes helped you become, that things arent AS bad as they could be.Selfish prayers can help create that hole.

This one's for the girls

This is one of those "venting" blogs. Maybe even one that you dont care about and ill warn you now, if your a guy you probably DONT care. I had this thought earlier, one of my "blogging brainstorms". As much I feel God led  me to start this blog for others and not for me, I keep telling myself "this isnt your diary Whitney, no one wants to see you air our your dirty laundry." Then I remember how I preach about how your greatest struggles can turn into your greatest joys. I still cant fathom it but alot of people have been moved by my blogs. Not that I dont think they're good, im just in awe because these are all God's words not mine, and im not out to take glory for any of it. Hes not asked me to be a hero, just to share His word, His heroics. I didnt mean to do it, but suddenly ive come to realize my past few blogs have been centered on love. I guess its a "love" series. Im probably not the best person to come to for relationship advice. But I am set in what I want out of one, and that may or may not be the reason ive had very little success. Im convinced that theres 3 kinds of guys out there, and ive had every one. #1 The guy that takes FOREVER to make it "official" no seriously, like forever. Girls, am I right when I say that when we said we wanted to take it slow, we didnt mean we wanted to wait until we had grey hair and no viable eggs? #2 The guy that just does everything way to fast and we then find out it was never "us" he wanted....get it? #3 The guy that seems perfect at first. He goes at about the right pace and you get along pretty good. But sooner or later he just starts to treat you as one of the guys. I think friendship is HUGE in a relationship but there are some things you just dont wanna do with a "friend". I am not asking for a pity party here, I dont want to get a thousand comments about how "Oh im soo young and my prince will come someday"....yeah shut up. I already know that may or may not be true. I appreciate everyone's encouragement but heres another question for the girls. No matter how many times you hear that from someone whose already madly in love with a ring on their finger (easy for them to say) it doesnt make you feel any more certain that it will happen. Correct? SO. With that being said I had another talk with God today. I dont claim to hear voices even though i am crazy and I dont try to argue that one. But I do feel like I get answers when I pray and sometimes instantly. Its so amazing the way God does things. Today my answer was in the same form as it always is. Not exactly what I wanted to hear but it gave me peace. I know Hes calling me to be patient. The problem is im not patient and I feel like thats one thing ive been called to be for the past few years (He REALLY wants to be patient). But then I remember a verse I came to love so dearly just a few weeks ago, "Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised." Hebrews 10:36 See we dont always (hardly ever actually) understand what God is doing, but we also didnt know ourselves before we were formed in the womb. I dont know my future. But He does. Everything that is unknown to me is know to Him. This also comes from Hebrews 10:34 "You suffered along with those who were thrown into jail, and when all you owned was taken from you, you accepted it with joy. You knew there were better things waiting for you that will lasts forever." HI WHITNEY! Hi everyone! God has promised us happiness, both now and forever. As believers, we truly will live happily ever after. So as I was crying out to God asking why He seems to get me in so much trouble with relationships that in turn give me way too many tension headaches, I heard it again. That call to be patient. It wasnt a verbal response really, more like a feeling that helped me know exactly what He was saying. He told me "But child, if everything was so easy for you in the love department (yes God speaks my language and yours too) then you would never have what you have always hoped and asked me for. Which is that everlasting love similar to the one I have promised you. When I show you the right person, you will appreciate that love truly and with my help you will make it last because I have shown you both sides of the story. If you continue to be patient I will show you what to do. I will not let you walk alone on this." And then he reminded me of another verse  in Ecclesiastes 3 about there being a time for everything. "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven, A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plant and a time to harvest, A time to kill and a time to heal, A time to tear down and time to build up, A time to cry and a time to laugh, A time to grieve and a time to dance, A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, A time to embrace and a time to turn away, A time to search and a time to quit searching, A time to keep and a time to throw away, A time to tear and a time to mend, A time to be quiet and a time to speak, A time to love and a time to hate, A time for war and a time for peace." 3:1-8. I feel like it might as well keep going and say "Whitney there is a time for you to find love and a time for you just to wait and watch my plan for you unfold. There is a time for to graduate nursing school and a time for you to see what is in store for you at this new campus. A time for you to go to Africa and time for you to stay and help your brothers and sisters here." God has written each of us something like this. And maybe I am meant to stay single and just go to third world countries to witness to the lost, or maybe wait and get married after that. I dont know, but He does and I know I will be thankful for walking His path just like I am so far. Then I thought about Ruth and how her heart was broken and then she followed Gods path and was rewarded with a new love and a new son. The funny thing is, I read her story and the verse in Ecclesiastes earlier in the week but just now am I seeing why God led me to them. I trust that He has something for me in the future that will help me to look back at this blog somewhere down the line and say "Oh I get it". And it doesnt have to be about finding the right guy that I can have til death do us part. Pain comes from many things and many types of loss. But one thing about it is always certain. There is a tomorrow. A time for happiness. And take it from someone who knows...Time heals all wounds.

I will follow you, why would I not?

Some of my best ideas for blogs lately have come while sitting in the computer room while my niece and nephew play their Disney games. I listen to them laugh, and brag about their accomplishments and my pen goes crazy with notes as I flip through my Bible (hello children's ministry calling!). I was reading Ruth yesterday, I got encouraged by the book when we studied it in our young adults group at church (miss my peeps!). Anyway im astonished at the way Ruth speaks about her love for her family and faith in what she has been called to do. Ive spoken a lot about relationships lately, not just for me, but also for many people who are dear to my heart and for those I dont know that are lost in there own relationships. Now my thoughts on it may make you angry and part of my wants to apologize for that, and then again part of me has trouble caring. Im a believer in that there are 3 components to a true relationship. Two being the person and their partner (sadly I have to pick my words carefully these days) and one being a spirit, the spirit of Christ. Losing sight of God makes us lose many things that are dear to us, those things He provided. I know many wonderful Christian couples who have had rough relationships and im not out to offend anyone who has been divorced, I want everyone and people of all kinds of relationships and pasts to see Gods work in this blog. I learned from Ruth one thing I already knew, that God calls each of us to walk His path and sometimes the ending is not what we expected but its worth more than we ever could have predicted. Ruth married a son of Elimelech and this made her the daughter in law of Naomi. Naomi had two sons. Elimelech (Naomi's husband) died and a few short years later so do her two sons. Leaving her with no husband or children. Naomi took her two daughters in law to Judah where the land had been blessed. Soon Naomi turns to her daughters and says "Go back to your mothers', I am no good for you anymore."1:8 At first both girls denied her but then Naomi explained that she would not bare anymore sons and even if she did, the women could not wait for the boys to grow old enough to marry. Basically, she had nothing to offer them. Hearing this, Oprah (another daughter in law) turned away and went back to her native land. Naomi once again encouraged Ruth to follow suit, but Ruth goes on to recite perhaps one of the most beautiful verses in the Bible, "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. Where you go I will go, wherever you live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God,. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us. " Ruth 1: 16-17. THIS IS REAL LOVE PEOPLE! Why should you want to be anywhere but with the person/people you love?! I hope someday to look into my husbands eyes and be able to recite this verse with true meaning. It should not be a chore to go with the one you love, or to walk with the Lord. Naomi is sure that the Lord has taken away all that she has but Ruth proves otherwise, she proves that she has faith in her mother and in the Lord. Naomi is rich with the biggest fortune of all, love, but like many of us, she doesn't realize that. She sees one tragedy as the end to all, that taking away those she loved left her with nothing when instead it left her with a daughter in law that showed true devotion and loyalty. And this continues to prove my ongoing point that sometimes our battles bring about our truest of true blessings. Once in Judah Naomi sends Ruth out to pick up scraps left behind by workers in the field of Boaz who we later discover was a relative of Elimilech. The kind hearted Boaz comes up to Ruth and basically tells her to go forth and pick with his own workers, that they will purposely leave some for you and Ruth is confused by this. Afterall she is a foreigner and has been welcomed into this land as one of the natives (we all know that probably wouldnt happen in todays world right?) Boaz answers "I know, but I also know about everything  you have done for your mother in law since the death of your husband." (Ruth 2:11). See? love and loyalty are rewarded by God. When Ruth chooses to sale her family land, Boaz agrees to not only purchase the land but to marry Ruth so they can bare a son and he will inherit the land. And they indeed do bare a son, a true gift from the heavens just like any child. The Lord gives new love and peace that surpasses all understanding to Ruth and to Naomi, the one that thought all had been taken from her. She now had received what she had lost. A son. And she now had someone to care for her when she became old, and someone to carry on the land. She had not lost anything!!! Sometimes our biggest battles lead to our greatest joys. I mean WOW! I find myself incredibly jealous of the selfless love that both Ruth and Boaz shared. It was a challenge for Ruth and Naomi as both left all that they knew and what little they did have, but they were rewarded in due time BECAUSE THEY WALKED THE PATH!! And they remembered to show the one thing we all forget. To love. In how many relationships do you honestly see selfless love? Its hard to get two people on the same page. But HELLO! Its right here in the black and white. Theres a big discussion that I never care to be a part of that certain things in the Bible are too old fashioned and that "God didnt mean for us to live this way forever" (blah blah) but I stand firm that this is one thing we should NOT change on. In 1 Peter verse 7 God tells men to take their wives as an equal even if they are indeed lesser and this is what Boaz did for Ruth! She was poor and picking scraps in fields, but he changed her life through love. Men, I challenge you to become Boaz, and women, dont be afraid to be a Ruth.

Are you just gonna stay here forever?

...She asked me as I got her set down in front of the computer with her favorite Disney games. I wanted to go back downstairs for some rare quiet time but what do you do when a sweet 4 year old voice asks that question? My first instinct was that she was being sarcastic. My reply: "Not if you dont want me too" and as I reach down to grab the laundry and head out I hear "No, I do want you too." I didnt do much, just sat in the floor next to her chair and spent some time with God and the Bible. But I was there. They say childhood is the best time of your life. That the "stresses" we face here dont come near to those you face as an adult (let me be the first to say that can be true). They also say your past doesn't have to predict your future. You might disagree when I say it does. I was that 12 year old 6th grader who had acne before anyone else did or even knew what it was and I wanted to cry when kids asked "whats on your face?", I had crooked teeth, glasses, bad hair, and TERRIBLE style. At times I even thought the teachers were laughing at me. I got teased by boys in my science and math classes, I looked at all the other girls and wondered why they seemed to be developing in a less awkward way than myself. I thought of myself as ugly but something kept telling me to be me. To not change my crazy style and stop shopping for clothes at Walmart (hence why I still do so today sometimes). I was the social outcast, band nerd, and had very few friends. Things got better as school years went on. I actually had people crush on me in 7th grade and through high school after I ditched the glasses and finally through on alittle makeup. Self confidence issues still hovered over me but then came my freshmen year of college. My growing up. My redemption. I went to a place of dirty, old community showers, hardcore drinkers, talks of late nights with guys they barely new, and rolling in at 1 AM and purposely waking me up just because I was the only one that stayed back to be ready for class the next day. Thats when I realized a person with no confidence wouldnt make it in this world. I once again had virtually no friends that shared any of my interests and when I had my first broken heart stuck in this shady atmosphere, there was no one to turn to but the voice of my sweet momma on the phone from 3 hours away. Thats also when I realized God was the only true presence. The one that was with me ALWAYS, not just sometimes. I think it took that to show me who I was. Im now out of that situation, still trying to figure out everyday who He wants me to be. So how do you define presence? Its not being a world saver or knowing EXACTLY what to say in someones time of grief. No one has all the answers and no one can heal you except for that soft spirit of Jesus. Im reminded of the 90s show Home Improvement, dont lie you've seen it. The main character, Tim, always has some kind of a problem in every show. And it never fails, we always see him go outside to the man across the fence,Wilson for some advice. We can't ever see his face, and he never tells Tim exactly what to do. But he does give some divine knowledge. Now im NOT trying to be sacreligious (sp?) but in some way this is how God is. His answers to our prayers arent always the exact answer that we ask for. He doesnt paint us a picture or lay it out in black and white. But there is always an answer, a sense of peace. He brings glory to us in the same way that we bring it to Him. He makes us who we are in His own time and pattern because He wants the world to embrace HIS creation. I prayed so long and hard to get into the college of my dreams. God answered that prayer but also showed me that wasnt part of His plan for me and how dare I mistreat his creation? He cleansed me, made me whole. Showed me I was meant to be a crusader for Him and not stuck somewhere in a college town trying to be someone im not. He was and IS my PRESENCE. A big thing in nursing school is being THERE for the patient. Understanding. Thats what its all about. To be there for your friends and enemies just like God is there for us. Always. Never backing away because they do something we dont agree with or if its "not our problem". I never had that real presence/shoulder to cry on as a college freshman but again, through my struggles I found the real thing I should have been relying on the whole time. Prayer. I was redeemed. I learned to love who God created ME to be. I stopped wanting to be all those other girls I wanted to be in middle school. God gave me those acne scars because He knew I needed to embrace my inner beauty and all that outer beauty I have now (ok just kidding). I got braces to fix those crooked teeth and show the beautiful smile God personally sculpted for me. He saw me as the prime example of the person who needed to embrace who SHE was, so he used scars so that I could love who I am now. Just like he used His used His own Son's scars to show love for us. And with that, how can you not love yourself? Years ago I would have agreed with you if you called me ugly, I still might on somedays that I choose to go out with no makeup and curly hair, but all in all I truly believe I am beautiful inside and out because I was made by one TRUE artiste. Creator of all creators. The past does not define us, but maybe our struggles do. Because each one has its purpose. Today I sit here as a much stronger woman. A daughter of God and two wonderful parents, a granddaughter, sister, niece, auntie, friend, prayer warrior, sinner saved by Gods amazing grace, a talented musician whose no longer ashamed, a beautiful soul with scars all her own. Still a FUTURE nurse because God wasn't ready for it yet. A future missionary, a lover of all with much more love to give. I am that shoulder to cry on, that presence through Him. He is with You and Me always. I am redeemed.

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Mop?

Can you tell I love children's ministry? I love it for so many reasons. One because I just really love the way the eyes of a child see the world. God speaks to them in his own way and yet we adults can learn from a children's message to,sometimes in a completely different way. One thing I love about each book of the Bible is that there are so many lessons to be learned in each one if you take the time to look at it the right way. The past couple of nights my sweet nephew has bought me his little "My First Bible" book and asked me to read it to him. I love his. Not just because I love the fact that at 3 years old hes already interested in the Bible,while I know he cant understand every little meaning, he gets it. He sees something in it that I dont see, and vice versa. The other night while playing "school" with he and my niece, they picked out a Veggie Tales book (hence the title of this blog) and asked me to read it aloud the "Class" which just consisted of the three of us ofcourse. To make a long story short, the book is all about facing your fears and Larry and Bob are detectives who have been called to help find a missing girl who is just hiding because she is afraid to get on stage for a spelling bee. Now to keep the little ones entertained the book mentions that Larry has nightmares about mops attacking him and when trying to find the little girl who is somewhere in the school, he walks into a dark custodians closet where he is indeed attacked by mops. But when hearing these loud noises, the little girl becomes curious and leaves her hiding spot where she is found. Cute way to get the point across. It is then that she tells everyone she prayed about her fears and God removed them from her. So for the children, the message is relatively clear. God will always listen and is always there to chase away our fears. I'll share with you how I interpeted it. By facing his own fear of the mops, Larry helped the lost get found. And I cant help but think thats what God wants us to do. Like when your ministering to a nonbeliever or to a stranger whose beliefs you are unsure of. You fear being judged or made fun of by todays society, but you know this is what God has called you to do and by facing that fear, you help the lost get found in their faith. Or like when your called to mission work in a state youve never been too or better yet a third world country where your not sure where your meals or hot showers will come from. But by taking a leap of faith and facing this fear of the unknown, your doing the work of God. Could you imagine the fear of Mary and Joseph when they were told that this innocent virgin was carrying the true Son of God? Could you imagine hearing, "You will call him Jesus" or being pregnant and on camel back and hearing, "there is no room for you here"? But, this little boy birthed by a virgin would save an unknown world. Like when Jonah is called to witness to the people of Ninevah, but he is afraid and runs from Gods calling and then is shipwrecked into the ocean, taken into the mouth of a whale and then saved. By this Jonah, is maybe found a little himself and goes on to teach the people of Ninevah to repent. Whether you like it or not, Gods plan will be. Then theres what has become one of my favorite books, the book of Job. His three friends place judgement on him, insisting he must have sinned in order to recieve such punishment of God. In reality, they are the ones sinning and God teaches them this but does not punish them. He just simply asks Job to pray for them. So in Job's time of struggle, 3 friends learn a lesson in their faith. Have you ever thought that maybe your struggles today are for this reason also? To help someone renew their faith or maybe find it for the first time. By writing these blogs about my struggles and lessons learned in them, ive had several people tell me their inspired by my relationship with God and long to have a better one themselves. Im so thankful God has lead me to do that, to show others that what God has done for me, He can and will also do for you. I didnt ask for Him to bring me to struggles. I have asked to become closer to him each and every day. And through struggles, we are drawn closer.He calls the ordinary to do extraordinary things, and thats what He has done for me. Telling me not to be afraid, because everything has a meaning, perhaps to show others what He can do, like he shows so often in the Bible. If He chooses to show His power and grace to others through you, don't shy away. For like Job, you will be rewarded. If with nothing else, great gratification like mine. "By his wounds, you are healed." 1 Peter 2:24