I will follow you, why would I not?

Some of my best ideas for blogs lately have come while sitting in the computer room while my niece and nephew play their Disney games. I listen to them laugh, and brag about their accomplishments and my pen goes crazy with notes as I flip through my Bible (hello children's ministry calling!). I was reading Ruth yesterday, I got encouraged by the book when we studied it in our young adults group at church (miss my peeps!). Anyway im astonished at the way Ruth speaks about her love for her family and faith in what she has been called to do. Ive spoken a lot about relationships lately, not just for me, but also for many people who are dear to my heart and for those I dont know that are lost in there own relationships. Now my thoughts on it may make you angry and part of my wants to apologize for that, and then again part of me has trouble caring. Im a believer in that there are 3 components to a true relationship. Two being the person and their partner (sadly I have to pick my words carefully these days) and one being a spirit, the spirit of Christ. Losing sight of God makes us lose many things that are dear to us, those things He provided. I know many wonderful Christian couples who have had rough relationships and im not out to offend anyone who has been divorced, I want everyone and people of all kinds of relationships and pasts to see Gods work in this blog. I learned from Ruth one thing I already knew, that God calls each of us to walk His path and sometimes the ending is not what we expected but its worth more than we ever could have predicted. Ruth married a son of Elimelech and this made her the daughter in law of Naomi. Naomi had two sons. Elimelech (Naomi's husband) died and a few short years later so do her two sons. Leaving her with no husband or children. Naomi took her two daughters in law to Judah where the land had been blessed. Soon Naomi turns to her daughters and says "Go back to your mothers', I am no good for you anymore."1:8 At first both girls denied her but then Naomi explained that she would not bare anymore sons and even if she did, the women could not wait for the boys to grow old enough to marry. Basically, she had nothing to offer them. Hearing this, Oprah (another daughter in law) turned away and went back to her native land. Naomi once again encouraged Ruth to follow suit, but Ruth goes on to recite perhaps one of the most beautiful verses in the Bible, "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. Where you go I will go, wherever you live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God,. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us. " Ruth 1: 16-17. THIS IS REAL LOVE PEOPLE! Why should you want to be anywhere but with the person/people you love?! I hope someday to look into my husbands eyes and be able to recite this verse with true meaning. It should not be a chore to go with the one you love, or to walk with the Lord. Naomi is sure that the Lord has taken away all that she has but Ruth proves otherwise, she proves that she has faith in her mother and in the Lord. Naomi is rich with the biggest fortune of all, love, but like many of us, she doesn't realize that. She sees one tragedy as the end to all, that taking away those she loved left her with nothing when instead it left her with a daughter in law that showed true devotion and loyalty. And this continues to prove my ongoing point that sometimes our battles bring about our truest of true blessings. Once in Judah Naomi sends Ruth out to pick up scraps left behind by workers in the field of Boaz who we later discover was a relative of Elimilech. The kind hearted Boaz comes up to Ruth and basically tells her to go forth and pick with his own workers, that they will purposely leave some for you and Ruth is confused by this. Afterall she is a foreigner and has been welcomed into this land as one of the natives (we all know that probably wouldnt happen in todays world right?) Boaz answers "I know, but I also know about everything  you have done for your mother in law since the death of your husband." (Ruth 2:11). See? love and loyalty are rewarded by God. When Ruth chooses to sale her family land, Boaz agrees to not only purchase the land but to marry Ruth so they can bare a son and he will inherit the land. And they indeed do bare a son, a true gift from the heavens just like any child. The Lord gives new love and peace that surpasses all understanding to Ruth and to Naomi, the one that thought all had been taken from her. She now had received what she had lost. A son. And she now had someone to care for her when she became old, and someone to carry on the land. She had not lost anything!!! Sometimes our biggest battles lead to our greatest joys. I mean WOW! I find myself incredibly jealous of the selfless love that both Ruth and Boaz shared. It was a challenge for Ruth and Naomi as both left all that they knew and what little they did have, but they were rewarded in due time BECAUSE THEY WALKED THE PATH!! And they remembered to show the one thing we all forget. To love. In how many relationships do you honestly see selfless love? Its hard to get two people on the same page. But HELLO! Its right here in the black and white. Theres a big discussion that I never care to be a part of that certain things in the Bible are too old fashioned and that "God didnt mean for us to live this way forever" (blah blah) but I stand firm that this is one thing we should NOT change on. In 1 Peter verse 7 God tells men to take their wives as an equal even if they are indeed lesser and this is what Boaz did for Ruth! She was poor and picking scraps in fields, but he changed her life through love. Men, I challenge you to become Boaz, and women, dont be afraid to be a Ruth.

Are you just gonna stay here forever?

...She asked me as I got her set down in front of the computer with her favorite Disney games. I wanted to go back downstairs for some rare quiet time but what do you do when a sweet 4 year old voice asks that question? My first instinct was that she was being sarcastic. My reply: "Not if you dont want me too" and as I reach down to grab the laundry and head out I hear "No, I do want you too." I didnt do much, just sat in the floor next to her chair and spent some time with God and the Bible. But I was there. They say childhood is the best time of your life. That the "stresses" we face here dont come near to those you face as an adult (let me be the first to say that can be true). They also say your past doesn't have to predict your future. You might disagree when I say it does. I was that 12 year old 6th grader who had acne before anyone else did or even knew what it was and I wanted to cry when kids asked "whats on your face?", I had crooked teeth, glasses, bad hair, and TERRIBLE style. At times I even thought the teachers were laughing at me. I got teased by boys in my science and math classes, I looked at all the other girls and wondered why they seemed to be developing in a less awkward way than myself. I thought of myself as ugly but something kept telling me to be me. To not change my crazy style and stop shopping for clothes at Walmart (hence why I still do so today sometimes). I was the social outcast, band nerd, and had very few friends. Things got better as school years went on. I actually had people crush on me in 7th grade and through high school after I ditched the glasses and finally through on alittle makeup. Self confidence issues still hovered over me but then came my freshmen year of college. My growing up. My redemption. I went to a place of dirty, old community showers, hardcore drinkers, talks of late nights with guys they barely new, and rolling in at 1 AM and purposely waking me up just because I was the only one that stayed back to be ready for class the next day. Thats when I realized a person with no confidence wouldnt make it in this world. I once again had virtually no friends that shared any of my interests and when I had my first broken heart stuck in this shady atmosphere, there was no one to turn to but the voice of my sweet momma on the phone from 3 hours away. Thats also when I realized God was the only true presence. The one that was with me ALWAYS, not just sometimes. I think it took that to show me who I was. Im now out of that situation, still trying to figure out everyday who He wants me to be. So how do you define presence? Its not being a world saver or knowing EXACTLY what to say in someones time of grief. No one has all the answers and no one can heal you except for that soft spirit of Jesus. Im reminded of the 90s show Home Improvement, dont lie you've seen it. The main character, Tim, always has some kind of a problem in every show. And it never fails, we always see him go outside to the man across the fence,Wilson for some advice. We can't ever see his face, and he never tells Tim exactly what to do. But he does give some divine knowledge. Now im NOT trying to be sacreligious (sp?) but in some way this is how God is. His answers to our prayers arent always the exact answer that we ask for. He doesnt paint us a picture or lay it out in black and white. But there is always an answer, a sense of peace. He brings glory to us in the same way that we bring it to Him. He makes us who we are in His own time and pattern because He wants the world to embrace HIS creation. I prayed so long and hard to get into the college of my dreams. God answered that prayer but also showed me that wasnt part of His plan for me and how dare I mistreat his creation? He cleansed me, made me whole. Showed me I was meant to be a crusader for Him and not stuck somewhere in a college town trying to be someone im not. He was and IS my PRESENCE. A big thing in nursing school is being THERE for the patient. Understanding. Thats what its all about. To be there for your friends and enemies just like God is there for us. Always. Never backing away because they do something we dont agree with or if its "not our problem". I never had that real presence/shoulder to cry on as a college freshman but again, through my struggles I found the real thing I should have been relying on the whole time. Prayer. I was redeemed. I learned to love who God created ME to be. I stopped wanting to be all those other girls I wanted to be in middle school. God gave me those acne scars because He knew I needed to embrace my inner beauty and all that outer beauty I have now (ok just kidding). I got braces to fix those crooked teeth and show the beautiful smile God personally sculpted for me. He saw me as the prime example of the person who needed to embrace who SHE was, so he used scars so that I could love who I am now. Just like he used His used His own Son's scars to show love for us. And with that, how can you not love yourself? Years ago I would have agreed with you if you called me ugly, I still might on somedays that I choose to go out with no makeup and curly hair, but all in all I truly believe I am beautiful inside and out because I was made by one TRUE artiste. Creator of all creators. The past does not define us, but maybe our struggles do. Because each one has its purpose. Today I sit here as a much stronger woman. A daughter of God and two wonderful parents, a granddaughter, sister, niece, auntie, friend, prayer warrior, sinner saved by Gods amazing grace, a talented musician whose no longer ashamed, a beautiful soul with scars all her own. Still a FUTURE nurse because God wasn't ready for it yet. A future missionary, a lover of all with much more love to give. I am that shoulder to cry on, that presence through Him. He is with You and Me always. I am redeemed.

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Mop?

Can you tell I love children's ministry? I love it for so many reasons. One because I just really love the way the eyes of a child see the world. God speaks to them in his own way and yet we adults can learn from a children's message to,sometimes in a completely different way. One thing I love about each book of the Bible is that there are so many lessons to be learned in each one if you take the time to look at it the right way. The past couple of nights my sweet nephew has bought me his little "My First Bible" book and asked me to read it to him. I love his. Not just because I love the fact that at 3 years old hes already interested in the Bible,while I know he cant understand every little meaning, he gets it. He sees something in it that I dont see, and vice versa. The other night while playing "school" with he and my niece, they picked out a Veggie Tales book (hence the title of this blog) and asked me to read it aloud the "Class" which just consisted of the three of us ofcourse. To make a long story short, the book is all about facing your fears and Larry and Bob are detectives who have been called to help find a missing girl who is just hiding because she is afraid to get on stage for a spelling bee. Now to keep the little ones entertained the book mentions that Larry has nightmares about mops attacking him and when trying to find the little girl who is somewhere in the school, he walks into a dark custodians closet where he is indeed attacked by mops. But when hearing these loud noises, the little girl becomes curious and leaves her hiding spot where she is found. Cute way to get the point across. It is then that she tells everyone she prayed about her fears and God removed them from her. So for the children, the message is relatively clear. God will always listen and is always there to chase away our fears. I'll share with you how I interpeted it. By facing his own fear of the mops, Larry helped the lost get found. And I cant help but think thats what God wants us to do. Like when your ministering to a nonbeliever or to a stranger whose beliefs you are unsure of. You fear being judged or made fun of by todays society, but you know this is what God has called you to do and by facing that fear, you help the lost get found in their faith. Or like when your called to mission work in a state youve never been too or better yet a third world country where your not sure where your meals or hot showers will come from. But by taking a leap of faith and facing this fear of the unknown, your doing the work of God. Could you imagine the fear of Mary and Joseph when they were told that this innocent virgin was carrying the true Son of God? Could you imagine hearing, "You will call him Jesus" or being pregnant and on camel back and hearing, "there is no room for you here"? But, this little boy birthed by a virgin would save an unknown world. Like when Jonah is called to witness to the people of Ninevah, but he is afraid and runs from Gods calling and then is shipwrecked into the ocean, taken into the mouth of a whale and then saved. By this Jonah, is maybe found a little himself and goes on to teach the people of Ninevah to repent. Whether you like it or not, Gods plan will be. Then theres what has become one of my favorite books, the book of Job. His three friends place judgement on him, insisting he must have sinned in order to recieve such punishment of God. In reality, they are the ones sinning and God teaches them this but does not punish them. He just simply asks Job to pray for them. So in Job's time of struggle, 3 friends learn a lesson in their faith. Have you ever thought that maybe your struggles today are for this reason also? To help someone renew their faith or maybe find it for the first time. By writing these blogs about my struggles and lessons learned in them, ive had several people tell me their inspired by my relationship with God and long to have a better one themselves. Im so thankful God has lead me to do that, to show others that what God has done for me, He can and will also do for you. I didnt ask for Him to bring me to struggles. I have asked to become closer to him each and every day. And through struggles, we are drawn closer.He calls the ordinary to do extraordinary things, and thats what He has done for me. Telling me not to be afraid, because everything has a meaning, perhaps to show others what He can do, like he shows so often in the Bible. If He chooses to show His power and grace to others through you, don't shy away. For like Job, you will be rewarded. If with nothing else, great gratification like mine. "By his wounds, you are healed." 1 Peter 2:24

No Greater Love

Very few people know my thoughts on relationships. Mostly because no one ever asks or cares to take the time to listen. What is love? (Baby dont hurt me) Is it that schoolyard thing were you chase eachother and swear the other has cooties? maybe. Who am I to say its not? Or is that high school thing when you hold hands in the hallway between classes and then spend all night on the phone talking about nothing? Then theres the college love when neither one of you really know what you want but you know you like being around eachother, and if your anything like me...you realize its so scary to be with someone yet you want to all at the same time. Some people seem to get it right from the very beginning. When you meet your "boyfriend" in middle school and just keep falling in love with him every single day and then finally tie the knot in your twenties. Yeah, I hate those people too. Then theres people like me, who are 0 for 3 and have no motivation to meet someone in the future. I know God teaches us to love one another from the very beginning. Thats why he sent his son to die on the cross for us, to show us that love, REAL love always exist even when we cant seem to find it. I truly believe we all have our purpose, and I cant help but think that to love is one of those purposes. Maybe it is to adopt little babies as a single parent and give them the love they could never imagine, or to find your soulmate at whatever age (maybe on the second or even third try) and have your dream wedding followed by your dream honeymoon which leads to a life of love, laughter, and pure happiness. To hold your first born in your arms after hours of labor, and then grow to see your babies have babies. Or maybe its just sharing a smile with your lonely next door neighbor whose husband died yerars ago and shes never had the energy or desire to find love again because, even in heaven, he still holds her heart. We dont come to love simply by meeting a partner. We love and are showered with happiness simply by not hating and forgiving. 1 Pete 4 verse 8 tells us to "Love each other deeply, because love covers a mulitude of sins". But how do we love and not hate? I'll be honest its not easy, especially when youve been burned as much as I have. I think God wants each of us to have our own love story, and that no one love story in all His creation is exactly the same. My belief is that I've experienced heartache and failed love so that one day I can give one man my ENTIRE heart, and experience love and happiness beyond all understanding. And ill understand what I need to do each and every day to make that love truly last until death do us part. I think the same goes for divorce. I believe bad things happen to make the great things to come greater. Or it could be that God has chosen for me not to find love so that I give all of that to give the kids in Africa and across the world all the love I have. Or so I can love my patients as if they were my own mother, father, brother, sister, or children. I believe we are created for love or with contentment and independence to forever be just one person and never made for 2 to become 1 in the eyes of the Lord. I dont know, I do however know that I am not one to question God. God told Jonah that since He created the heavens and the earths, Jonah was not one to question His plan. Besides God's love, ther is one more that I will never be able to understand and thats one of a soldier, sailor, marine and all other service men and women. I chose not to spend my Memorial Day on the lake with a drink in my hand (nothing towards anyone who did) Instead I spent it walking through the precious graves of some local military cemeteries. As i passed one grave in particular, it all came to me. A love for ME someone this man did not know (just like Jesus). I can't even imagine. The gentleman had recieved the medal of honor because he refused to leave the battle ground after being injured twice. I could never do that, but I wish I had that love to give and I thank God every day for calling on those individuals and leading them to answer that call so that I can sit here and praise a God and feel safe enough to talk about it. Then there is the love of Jesus, the love that surpasses all others. The love that Jesus tells us in John 19 verse 28 he was ok to die for because he knew his mission on this earth was complete. Like it or not, we all have our mission on this earth. I know a big part of that mission is to love for John 15:13 tells us "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends". No he does not ask all of us to die for someone else. But in a way thats what we do, or at least thats what I plan to do. To marry someone and have a love so deep that im willing to give up have my life so that they can live. And then have my own children and give my crazy kid life (that never has been so crazy) so that they can grow up and have their life the way they want it. And then one day be layed to rest so that the ones I leave behind can hopefully live a life the way I have taught them. Those are my plans and that what love is to me. So if you ever have to wonder if love truly does exist (as I do at times) dont let Satan take over. Remember the love that Christ had for you, and the love that He still does each and every day. Love is something worth dying for.

Grown up moments...

I hate them. Some seem worse than others. I felt good all day today. So on fire for Jesus I could hardly stand it.I couldnt go to sleep last night because so many thoughts were raging through my head about possibly blogs. I wrote so many sloppy notes last night its not even funny. I love doing amateur "sermons" and this blog and I feel the need to teach everyone I can about Jesus. Be it somewhere overseas, in the hospital, or to someone ive never met who stumbles upon my blog when they're bored. Its like my light got switched on, my match got struck, and now my heart is beating for the One and Only. Then suddenly that dark cloud started to take over. This probably wont be one of my more positive blogs. I hate that for those reading and know you dont come to hear my venting, but to learn about some new book in the Bible. Its like now that there is no school I have more time to blog and study the Bible, but I also have more time to think about everything that isnt going correctly. I think about how so many things lead me to want to stay here where ive called home for almost 20 years but other things tell me to go forth and go to a new place where my past truly is my past. Now I know why so many people said you shouldnt wish to grow up so fast. Why so many people always hated romantic movies and that love in real life isnt always like the movies. And it certainly isnt the way we thought it was in grade school. My doctor says I shouldnt be on the compouter before bed and now here I am. There are so many questions I want to ask, but then I realize im not supposed to know the answers. If we were life would be a lot easier and we would have no chance to grow in our faith is everything was so honky-dory all the time. So why do I turn to my blog? My personal issues arent worthy of the space ive created for the Lord. But as always, he tells me something in my time of deep pain and confusion. He and I want you to know that although I am a true Christian saved by the blood shed by Christ and that he controls all....I still struggle and I still question. Yes, I ask why me God? Its so easy to ask. Just like Jonah and Job both did (both of which have blogs coming up). He wants you to know that none of us are perfect, but HE, HE is. God gives us challenges just as he did for those in the Bible, but instead of running from them which is so easy to do, He wants us to run TO Him. I dont want to get too far in detail because alot of this is similar to what I wanted to say about Job and Jonah which adds to my fear that I sound like a broken record. Then I stop worrying about that because maybe thats how God wants me to sound. Hes led me to teach about battles and finding the light. Im gonna leave you with a verse I just so happen to come around across the other day. One that you might see more of in the coming posts....It comes from 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.."All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all Mercy! God of all healing Counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alonside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us." Hmmm....I just have to keep remembeing that verse. And with all the blogs Ive felt led to write lately, I can't help but thank thats what God wants for me. Here are a few more verses suitable for the moment... "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18 "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 "The Steps of the Godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives." Psalm 37:23

Momma

Ive been debating all day about whether or not to write this. I just know nothing I can ever say or write will give my mom half the credit and appreciation she deserves. And now that there is only an hour left in Mother's day and my sweet momma has gone to bed (I tend to write better when im by myself in my zone) I got in my blogging zone and since im STILL stuck on Job I decided momma deserved a blog. I dont know where to begin on her, I just know shes carrying on the tradition of strong, incredible women in our family, a tradition that I dont see how I will ever be able to continue. I want to thank my mom for so many things. Like how she put me in a dress and sent me to Sunday school almost from the time I could walk and has continued to encourage Jesus in my life for the past 22 years and turned me into a woman thats on fire for Jesus. Theres not a day that goes by that she doesnt remind me in some way that "God is in control" even if its not verbally. It takes one incredible woman to raise two sons 18 months apart and then 7 years later....have a baby girl. It had to have been hard raising two teenagers all while having a little school ager (I know how challenging that is from Peds class!) but she did it and never complained. Then there was that time I got a stomach virus and her and mammaw slept with me in the living room all night and listened to my misfortune (lol). When no other mom could handle being in two (sometimes three) places at once, she did. Every sporting event, scout trip, dance recital, band competition, or school awards ceremony saw her there with a smile and we never had to ask if she was coming because we always knew. When my oldest brother went to Germany and Iraq and life had to go on back here in America with me as a teenager, she didnt leave me and did her best not to cry in front of me. I saw her heartbreak the night my grandparents died and the day we laid them to rest but she always found the time to comfort her kids. When she got the call in the middle of the night that Hailey Grace was on her way she jumped in the car for 3 hours without skipping a beat. Then there was the time when I had my first broken heart as a 19 year old three hours away, and she listened to me cry on the phone every night and still smacks me in the face to this day when I wanna blame that on every guy I meet! When my most recent tragedy came and I called her bawling my eyes out, she left work just to come hold me and tell me "You'll get through this" and she was right...as always. Theres the mom thats moving in 2 weeks to go help the heal the heart of guess who...another child. Last night when I went to bed, my wheels were turning for this blog and everything I wanted to say to the point that I almost got out of bed to write it...but ofcourse my laziness didnt. And I guess now im paying for it since I cant remember half what I wanted to say. But I hope she knows all that she means to me although nothing I ever do will be able to tell her that. My admiration for her grows daily and though I sometimes crumble at the thought that MY rock, the lady thats always supposed to have all the answers, is searching for some herself..I know that im no longer the little girl and now its my turn to be the rock. Good thing I learned from the best.

Mammaw and Me

I know I promised a series on Job and I'll get back to that once I figure out where to go next with it. Ministry is a wonderful challenge! With mother's day being this weekend I couldnt help but be thinking about the amazing mommas in my life and while they deserve more credit than ill ever be able to give them, I wanted to write down some of my thoughts. This is one is particularly hard, bringing me to tears as I type. Its been almost 9 years since my Mammaw passed away after battling what was basically a life of illness. Im not sure how she overcame all that she did and how she always managed to keep that sweet smile on her face. The strongest, most Godly woman ive ever met. I truly believe she was an angel that God sent here to show us that life is worth fighting for. Im blessed that God allowed me to be born to such amazing parents who themselves had such amazing parents. While they are both passed on, she and my Pappaw are what keep me believing in love. They met in the Army, her as a nurse and he as a soldier and I realize now how fitting that was because neither one ever left the others side. Its a reminder that every lady is worth a kiss goodnight everynight, and a call home every afternoon before you left work just to ask if there was anything she needed. Its a reminder that little arguments (if youd even call them that) during the day dont promise a failing love. And she herself was a reminder that battles you face in life dont define you. Which brings me to knowing that today she is with me. I feel like God gave my momma to her and then gave me to my momma so we could both learn a thing or two from Mammaw. I see even more now that God gives battles even to good people (just like Job learns in his story) because without challenges we would never grow in our faith. And thats exactly what Mammaw did. I dont know what she saw all those times she was in a hospital bed and threatened with losing her life. But i do know she never gave up hope in her Lord and Savior. Which is why I rest assured that she has been dancing with Him after all these years and I know She and He are both watching out for us in these times of need. I can't imagine the things shes seen and the eternal life that shes had but I can't wait to see her again one day and experience it too. It seems like only yesterday that I was crying the most tears I had ever cried up to that point as a 13 year old girl at her funeral. Im so thankful that I had those 13 years to know her and that shes suffering no more, and most importantly that shes walking right next to the one and only Jesus. Happy mother's day, Mammaw. I love and miss you more with each passing day. I know you are with us.