Once in a blue moon...

I never fail to realize that probably no one reads my blogs. However, I knew when I made this that was how it was going to be. I don't do anything special that I can talk about on here. I don't cook, im not crafty whatsoever, so all I really have to do is pour out my sorrows onto a stupid internet page. Every once in a while I take a notion to blog again. Most of the time nothing triggers it, but I've started reading The Diary of Anne Frank again (which EVERYONE should read at least once in life), and as I was reading one of the very first entries that she wrote shortly after receiving her diary, I was astonished at the fact that she never believed anyone would care what she was writing down. And honestly, no one should ever read a girl's diary right? But her words have changed so many lives and without it, no one would know the things that her family and that of all other Jews had to go through at this time. Its easy to fall in love with and relate to this girl.She seems so much like me, talking about how awkward she feels and how much lower her family makes her feel than her sister, Margot. If her writings that she thought no one would ever see have changed so many lives, I guess there is no reason for me not to write what goes on with me throughout the day. Not that I feel low and my parents sure as heck only reflect good feelings onto me. But I do find myself feeling sorry for myself more and more each day and its no ones fault but mine. Ive officially labeled myself as the "homebody" I go to school and out shopping by myself and occasionally with my mom and thats pretty much it. I enjoy being myself but I know it would be nice to get out and meet people, form new relationships,have friends for crying out loud. I dont know what is wrong with me. I just prefer being alone and it seems almost unhealthy at times. Im 22 years old, I should be out enjoying myself. Maybe in a year (woah) when im done with nursing school and start working, things will be different. Or so I hope, its about time I was happy again. I just cant seem to adapt to adult life. I was happy in high school, when we all did the same thing day in and day out. I always thought I embraced change but apparently, I don't.
School starts again on Monday and it will be my second to last semester of nursing school. I went all summer too so I can't seem to understand why "summer" is ending so soon for me. I have another section of medsurg this semester (blahh) and then OB!!!! I am so excited about OB, I just hope I enjoy it as much as I am expecting to. I still can't wait to be a nurse, its one thing I am excited about and it keeps me going, it along with my beautiful family. I had another dream last night that I was getting married. Its weird, they happen quite often and I never see the guys face but my family is there and its at my dream church. However, this is more of a nightmare because I really dont want to get married. It just doesnt seem worth it right now to me, but they say things change. And for many reasons, I can only hope they do.-Whitney

I have prayed constantly that God would allow me to spread his word and become one in Him. I truly believe I accomplished one part of realizing what he wants from me when I decided to become a nurse my senior year of high school. I really believe its my calling, and I can't imaging doing anything else as cliche as that may sound. Ive spent the past couple of years since high school feeling relatively lost emotionally, and in some ways spiritually. I was rebaptized last year and became a member of my church (the same church I have been going to since I was, as best as I can remember, 5 years old). I know God is working in my life and I have seen so many of my continuous prayers be answered. With all that is going on in this world right now I have really begun to consider ways that I can help. The only way I know that I can is by ministering to others and bringing the word of Christ into a world that needs it now more than ever. I don't believe that all this violence and tragedy that is rising up in this world to be the end of it, but rather the beginning of the church. My wonderful pastor used that line in his sermon a few weeks back and it has stuck with me ever since. I know God is calling us Christians to help make the world a better place and I would like to begin by bettering myself.
I don't know much about what life has in store for me. All I know is that for now it consists of text books, highlighters, care plans, and medication cards as well a relatively boring set of daily events. I have been asking God to allow me to break out of my comfort zone. Recently, I believe that prayer has been answered. I have decided that when I graduate I will take my medical and spiritual knowledge abroad. Where? I don't know yet but I have considered Africa, Mexico, India or wherever they may need help at the time. Im not talking about a full fledged move, just a month or two to help in any way I can. I realize there are people here in our own country who need our help and I will be here for their assistance as well. I just feel as though I am being called to do this and honestly, I can't wait.

I figured it had been long enough...

Thanks to seeing a friends post about starting a blog on facebook (Thanks Stacie) I decided I should post again, since I haven't in forever. No one really reads mine but I have a lot of thoughts in my head constantly and figured I might as well type them out. I can't post alot on facebook just because of all the family I have on there and they would just worry and even though ive been told it seems like it to some, I dont just "complain" for attention. When you rarely talk to anyone its hard to have to keep everything bottled up inside.
My boring life continues to move a long. I do things related to school pretty much all the time and when im not doing that im being as lazy as possible and/or thinking about the future. I pray every night that God helps me to leave what I can't control in his hands and I know he is doing that, but I know there are some things that I could change and im either too afraid, or I can't figure out how. I can't help but overcome the thought of being alone my whole life, but at the same time, I can't stand allowing myself to be happy relationship wise when so many others arent, is that weird? Btw, Trevor Bayne, I'll still totally be your valentine next year (or every day until then). It seems like when everyone else is out with friends, I am sitting at home. I enjoy alone time but sometimes its nice to have people you enjoy being around who you know care about you. I just really miss my best friend and I need a change in so many ways. I guess God is trying to show me I need knew people in my life, I just wish it would be a lot easier to find them. Im so thankful for my family. I dont know whered id be without them. I want to make that as clear as possible. I am beyond blessed, yet I still long for so much more.
Thats deep...