Grown up moments...

I hate them. Some seem worse than others. I felt good all day today. So on fire for Jesus I could hardly stand it.I couldnt go to sleep last night because so many thoughts were raging through my head about possibly blogs. I wrote so many sloppy notes last night its not even funny. I love doing amateur "sermons" and this blog and I feel the need to teach everyone I can about Jesus. Be it somewhere overseas, in the hospital, or to someone ive never met who stumbles upon my blog when they're bored. Its like my light got switched on, my match got struck, and now my heart is beating for the One and Only. Then suddenly that dark cloud started to take over. This probably wont be one of my more positive blogs. I hate that for those reading and know you dont come to hear my venting, but to learn about some new book in the Bible. Its like now that there is no school I have more time to blog and study the Bible, but I also have more time to think about everything that isnt going correctly. I think about how so many things lead me to want to stay here where ive called home for almost 20 years but other things tell me to go forth and go to a new place where my past truly is my past. Now I know why so many people said you shouldnt wish to grow up so fast. Why so many people always hated romantic movies and that love in real life isnt always like the movies. And it certainly isnt the way we thought it was in grade school. My doctor says I shouldnt be on the compouter before bed and now here I am. There are so many questions I want to ask, but then I realize im not supposed to know the answers. If we were life would be a lot easier and we would have no chance to grow in our faith is everything was so honky-dory all the time. So why do I turn to my blog? My personal issues arent worthy of the space ive created for the Lord. But as always, he tells me something in my time of deep pain and confusion. He and I want you to know that although I am a true Christian saved by the blood shed by Christ and that he controls all....I still struggle and I still question. Yes, I ask why me God? Its so easy to ask. Just like Jonah and Job both did (both of which have blogs coming up). He wants you to know that none of us are perfect, but HE, HE is. God gives us challenges just as he did for those in the Bible, but instead of running from them which is so easy to do, He wants us to run TO Him. I dont want to get too far in detail because alot of this is similar to what I wanted to say about Job and Jonah which adds to my fear that I sound like a broken record. Then I stop worrying about that because maybe thats how God wants me to sound. Hes led me to teach about battles and finding the light. Im gonna leave you with a verse I just so happen to come around across the other day. One that you might see more of in the coming posts....It comes from 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.."All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all Mercy! God of all healing Counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alonside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us." Hmmm....I just have to keep remembeing that verse. And with all the blogs Ive felt led to write lately, I can't help but thank thats what God wants for me. Here are a few more verses suitable for the moment... "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18 "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 "The Steps of the Godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives." Psalm 37:23